'The Show "13 Reasons Why" Didn’t Trigger Me To Commit Suicide, But It Could Have'

ASHLEY

Its raw depiction of suicide might be a dangerous choice but it shouldn’t be the real controversy.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

 

The day I finally woke up not wanting to die after months of struggling with severe depression was the best day of my life. I’ve lived with anxiety and clinical depression since my early twenties, struggling through rough slumps every four months or so. It had always been manageable, since I was lucky enough to have access to doctors, medicine, and perhaps most importantly, family and friends to turn to.

 

But that’s the thing about depression: It’s manageable until it’s not. This past winter, I suffered through my worst bout of depression ever, months filled with mornings when getting out of bed seemed impossible, days when I couldn’t function at work, and nights when sleep was as scary as the emotions tumbling around in my head.

 

When I first realized I wasn’t safe being by myself, I texted my mom that I needed her to fly up to New York from Florida. I wasn’t stable enough to explain why I couldn’t be alone, but I knew that at any moment I might harm myself without thinking anything through. My ability to think rationally was blocked by emotions that made no sense to me or anyone around me.

And thankfully, with my mom by my side every step of my recovery, I finally woke up one day and actually wanted to get up and be alive. And then I got better and better and better. Now, when I’m just feeling normal, I’m wary of it because I don’t trust that happiness will ever stay. But I let myself feel the happy, and the sad, and the frustrating, and all the confusing emotions we all have.  Continue…

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