So many posts start with, “is this a BPD thing or…?” It is like we begin to forget our own identities and BPD becomes the answer for everything. I have noticed that in these groups, a lot of us blame our loved ones for not understanding us or our behavior, and we become total victims of our own BPD demon. We forget we have any say in the matter, any power or control or even accountability. We don’t realize that, even though we are so emotionally sensitive, other people can have any feelings at all and we hurt people with our actions and words. We get offended when they react to us.
So many of us then attack the one person in the group who realizes this before we do and says, “hey, we are accountable for how we act.” Swans can get vicious and we jump on the individual who thinks and voices something different, so comfortable have we become in our pain. Why is it so hard to hear that truth? Do we really want BPD to be “forever?” To have such a hold on us that we have no power over our own selves? Why is it so hard to accept that we can get better? That we can take steps? That there is always help, even if it is not on our front doorstep? We buy so much into our disorder that we forget there is a person much bigger than BPD locked inside and struggling to get out. We insist doggedly, even loyally, that BPD is omnipotent and will always hold us in its grip.
“BPD is forever and will always be there, controlling me.”
No. Stop that runaway train. We are all stronger than our BPD, but we all need validating at all stages of our BPD. Feeling invalidated, especially in these groups which have become our comfort zone, can trigger us. We attack the person who threatens us with their alternative thoughts to our problem.
Then we come to stage two — “The Warrior.”