If the self-awareness does kick in and enlightens us, we generally seek help and find ways to kick the BPD’s butt. A lot of us access dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) courses and the majority can find it does work, providing we get a good DBT support group/therapist, and that we actually throw our whole selves into it. Some find it does not help after a few sessions, and then go back to stage one. Some do not have good DBT support networks and sadly encounter unsympathetic therapists so understandably, they fall back again. Some people actually need other therapy alongside DBT — trauma therapy, person-centered counseling or psychotherapy — but are not made aware of this. It is so wrong to insist that DBT is the only therapy that will help us, as it can trigger off past fears we have never dealt with and it is important to have a lot of support in order to deal with them.
At Stage Two, once we start healing. I personally find we become a little less sympathetic to our old BPD peers, the ones who have not yet really sought help beyond the BPD support groups and medications which may not work for them. Like the true warrior’s nature, we become hard and tough and lose sympathy for others still stuck where we once were. To my shame, this started happening to me. I want to help people so much that I end up hindering them. I became very much: “If it worked for me, it will work for you. There is no excuse to carry on like you are.”
It was like I wanted to distance myself and only be around solution-focused people, not BPD-focused. I am at a stage now where I take full responsibility for my behaviors and always look for solutions, for reasons, for things I could have done differently, but I made the mistake of forgetting that other people are still in their early stages and that change takes time. I upset a couple of people on my Facebook page recently with a status about accountability. A couple of the commenters managed to get me to remember where I came from and to think about putting things across in a more sympathetic way.
Hell, I still need lots of validation. What makes me think others need berating?
Stage three — I have not yet christened this stage as I have yet to reach it. I get glimpses of it at times, and I find myself getting into “Wise Mind” before making a decision, walking away from a potential argument, being calm and solution-focused at school meetings about my daughters (something which was always a massive trigger for me). I don’t even smoke cigarettes as much anymore and I think yes, finally I am getting there! I am doing so well. Then something sets me off and I plummet briefly into stage one before rapidly scrambling back up to stage two, where I can begin again with my DBT.
My DBT mentors and peers are at this glorious stage three. For me, they are like my earth angels. They know my pain, they do not berate me ever and they always seem to know how to get a point across without hurting anyone or being offensive — something I struggle with. They have beaten their BPD and for the most part are able to self-soothe. be independent and self-sufficient. They know their triggers and how to deal with them. Their hardness softens up again into something that is caring while remaining very strong. They know so well how to validate. I know, with time, I will get there too. I also know that everyone with BPD has that potential and my frustration lies in the fact that so many continue to struggle.
My closing point is this… BPD is certainly not our fault, but it is our responsibility to deal with and in order to do this, we need validation, support and accountability.
Source: The Mighty