The difficulty with someone with NPD is that, outwardly, they can be very charming. When I had friends over, my dad was always delightful–the fun dad. When they left, the screaming and hitting began. He would dote and fuss on my mom when he had an audience and then yell and rant as soon as they left. Maybe I should have been more open with people about what my home life was like so our lack of relationship wasn’t a shock. Maybe I should have been more open about the abuse.
But my end game now is not to expose my dad; it is to get left the hell alone about him. This is why I have such rage when people approach to try and help heal our relationship. Honey, that shit is beyond salvaging.
So why is it so hard to keep people from jumping in? Unless you’re very close to a family and know the situation inside and out, why would you insert yourself? Sure, not every family contains someone with NPD, but every family has baggage, and at least some portion of it is fair and earned, so why would you question? If someone tries to pull you in, you can politely listen, but don’t get involved. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.