Have you ever entered a relationship convinced that the script of you guys meeting each other was written in heaven? Have you ever so deeply loved a person that you were confident that you would never love anyone that way – ever again? Well that was precisely what happened to me.
But as you can tell from the topic, it wasn’t meant to be, and my romantic dreams were dashed for good. By the time I had left the relationship, I was nothing like my former self. The world was all grey and shadows. Love and happiness were no longer what I believed in; it was just like those fairy tales that my parents would tell me when I was a kid.
I was awash with sadness loneliness and depression. I would find it hard to stay in charge and control of my life. Of course, I spent many weeks with terrible thoughts and wet pillows.
The grief and pain took so long to heal that at one point I began to believe that I would never be able to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. Not to mention never being emotionally strong enough to love again. To me, love was as distant from my thoughts as the stars from the earth.
But of course, from my introduction, you can tell that it wasn’t all doom and gloom at the beginning. I was such a happy girl who loved to live life. I was the smiling type who always saw the positive in all the negative problems I had, and for the things that were going well for me, I was always grateful.
But all that came to a screeching halt, when I met this narcissist. I went from seeing the world as bright bold and colorful to seeing gray and sadness everywhere. My relaxed and balanced emotional self-became a wreck of anxiety and depression. Before I would always go to bed, hoping to wake up later in the morning with joy, but that wasn’t the case anymore. I would go to bed tired and sad, and then dread the thought of a new day. I became a mere shadow of myself.
At first, I was ashamed that I let myself be used and abused by him. I would spend long nights and many weeks beating myself for being such a fool. It was one thing to know that he was a narcissist and there was no changing him but it was another thing to know that and still let myself be tortured by his emotionally draining antics. It gave me sleepless nights for weeks. I knew better but I refused to do better, and that regret kept stinging me, and its poison helped keep me intoxicated with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and negativity.
I trusted him
As naive as I was back then, I trusted him without a shadow of doubt, he was into me just as I was into him. Sometimes I even felt that he was even bigger and believe you me that I saw all the social signs you could ask of to show someone was trustworthy. He was smooth with his tricks. But then tricks are tricks, and no matter how good they are, they don’t last. So I would completely trust him on delivering on his promise, but that never happened. He would instead break my heart again and again. Continue reading on next page…