Why It’s Hard to Come to Terms With Limitations When You’re Sick

I like to portray myself as put together, doing well in school, having an exciting life, but that is me in utter denial, burying the fear deep down inside myself, pretending I will never have to deal with it.

Yet the truth is, I am terrified.

I try to convince myself that I’ve accepted my diagnosis, but in reality, I am still grieving a great deal.

I am mourning the person that I envisioned I would become.

I’ve missed out on so many things that I will never get the opportunity to do again, and I continue to miss out. My health limits me, so I have no option but to make the hard choices between health and pleasure.

I try to envision my future, and I see a blank page.

I know what I want to accomplish; however, I don’t know if I can attain it, and that is my worst fear.

I want to be a pediatric, complex care physician. I want to get married and start a family. I want to move to a city with a prominent university hospital not far from a beach. I want to change lives. I want to do something good, something meaningful with my life.

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