I like to portray myself as put together, doing well in school, having an exciting life, but that is me in utter denial, burying the fear deep down inside myself, pretending I will never have to deal with it.
Yet the truth is, I am terrified.
I try to convince myself that I’ve accepted my diagnosis, but in reality, I am still grieving a great deal.
I am mourning the person that I envisioned I would become.
I’ve missed out on so many things that I will never get the opportunity to do again, and I continue to miss out. My health limits me, so I have no option but to make the hard choices between health and pleasure.
I try to envision my future, and I see a blank page.
I know what I want to accomplish; however, I don’t know if I can attain it, and that is my worst fear.
I want to be a pediatric, complex care physician. I want to get married and start a family. I want to move to a city with a prominent university hospital not far from a beach. I want to change lives. I want to do something good, something meaningful with my life.